Naked Greeks & Pink Floyd

Greetings to everyone! I'll start with a synopsis of last Saturday's long run of 4 miles. If you recall, last week was a taper week. Supposedly, it meant rest, more time with the kids, warm comforting romantic thoughts of getting away with the wife and the like. Instead, it meant that I did way too much work-related worrying, not enough jiu jitsu, not enough drinking and not enough running. So, was I excited to run my 4 miles? Yes!

Then it sucked. Oh boy, did it suck.

I now have a loathing of Lema Ranch which no amount of Maker's Mark can erase. It was 66 degrees when I left my comfortable abode in Shingletown and, by the time I finished running Lema's asphalt paths around weed patches and assorted murky lakes, it was 93 degrees. When such extremes occur I typically rely on some music to set me straight. Well, that Pina Colada song didn't do the trick ... it just pissed me off. How dare that guy sing about Pina Colada's when I'm needing a drink and trying to avoid stumbling into a patch of star thistle. You know, these frickin stupid weeds:

That concludes my rundown (pun intended) of last Saturday's debacle. Needless to say, I finished this run only to be late in picking up my wife from Sun Oaks. Did I mention the gastrointestinal issue I had on my run? Imagine that potty stop ... well, don't actually. My reward? A disapproving look. At least she didn't hit me.

I ran five miles on Monday, and it was much, much better. During that run, I was thinking about how good it will be to run a marathon again. I'll get a medal, the universal esteem and respect of my children and wife (yeah, right), and I'll probably even finish it strong.

One thing that occurred to me in my confident state during that run was that the first marathon didn't turn out so good for a certain Greek named Phiddipides. If you've ever wondered why a marathon is precisely 26.2 miles it is because that is the distance that poor Phiddipides had to run from the Plain of Marathon to Athens. Phiddipides ran to Athens to provide the good news of a victory against the Persian invader at Marathon.

Ah, Athens ... the same people that made Socrates drink poison and die just because he asked too many annoying questions and had bad breath. Seems like the Athenians could deserve some late news ... or at least inaccurate news like the Record Searchlight provides. Back to the story ...

Phiddipides ran his ass off in his sandals all the way to Athens and blurted out his good news only to die immediately thereafter. Yes ... like certain 4 milers, marathons can kill. I've often wondered why Phiddipides ran himself to death to give good news. Seems like good news could wait a bit. Why not stop at a couple of taverns on the way to Athens? You could ogle a couple of greek girls, brag about how you killed at least 20 of the invading Persians and drink some brew.

Phiddipides: Hey baby, bet you five drachma you can't guess what I've got under my toga?

Disgusted Greek Girl: Shaved legs?

Phiddipides: Nah, come on baby you know that's for those tour de france guys ... guess again.

You could while away the whole day playing that game in a tavern. Trust me, I've tried it. Seems like the bad news like "The Persians are coming to kill us all!" should induce a bit of haste. But no, Phiddipides foolishly sprints forward to die to bring tidings of great joy (Christmas reference intended).

Take a look at this classic painting of Phiddipides delivering the good news to Athens:

A couple of questions 'cause I'm confused:

1) What the hell happened to Phidippides' clothes? Why are the Athenians clothed? Is this some kind of Greek messenger thing? In modern day Greek messaging, is nudity required if you send a fax but you must be clothed to receive the same fax?

2) Why aren't the people happier? You'd think they'd show a bit more joy in getting to avoid that whole unpleasant killing and rape thing that the Persians liked to bestow upon the Greeks.

3) If not happy, they look surprised. Is that because Phidippides feels it necessary to demonstrate naked yoga moves while giving out the good news?

4) Is Phidippides about to get groped by that chick that is reaching for him? I think, Yes. Is that guy in the brown toga on the left leaning back so he can get a better look at Phidipides' ass? Once again ... it looks that way.

As all of this relates to me, I'm not sure if I should be thinking about getting naked prior to finishing my marathon at the Sundial Bridge? If I go all-Phidippides, will some lady try to grab my bum? In Redding, no, its straight to jail. In Chico, my chances are fair. In San Francisco, I'm a lock for a bit of tushy grabbing.

I think I need a palate cleanser. Kids, avert your eyes, because this picture has each of the Pink Floyd albums painted on the naked backside of an attractive woman.




Men, can you sense that disturbing image of Phiddipides leaving your mind? Good. Glad I could be of help and my favorite is the one painted black with the Dark Side of the Moon album cover painted on. Second place goes to the girl on her left. You are clever if you have noticed my brunette theme. Doesn't that feel nice to be called clever in a blog?

This week's long run is a 7.5 miler. I will be lacing up my shoes to a pretty good playlist. Notable mentions are:

Mother by Danzig: Kind of a weird vibe I get from Danzig. The lead singer is one hugely muscled dude emoting all over the place about his mama. I don't know whether to respect him or slap him. Generally, heavy metal conjures images of guys with greasy and/or heavily hair sprayed locks with about as much muscle as is necessary to lift a joint or perhaps (on good days) a light beer.

1973 by James Blunt: James, in 1973 I was 5 years old. Even I didn't dance in night clubs with beautiful models at age 5. You certainly did not because you were not yet born. What gives?

Here's hoping that all of you enjoy your weekend. Tomorrow is September 11, 2010, so spend some time in prayer. While at it, pray for me on my run. If the ghost of the 4 miler returns for this 7.5 miler it will probably end up in me doing some naked yoga a la Phiddipides ... and that can't be pretty.

Cross-Training - Who Loves You, Jiu Jitsu? I Do!!!

As noted, today is a "rest day". That doesn't mean you rest. It means you cross-train! Bluntly put ... if you don't cross-train, you suck. If you want to "not suck" and cross-train, pick something that you love. If you don't love your cross-training, you won't do it. For me, that love is brazilian jiu-jitsu.

Today was good cross-training. I learned something new and revisited a couple of old friends. I refer to technique and not people. I'm the old one at Team Quest. Days like this make me want to just lay on the mats all day, hang out with my brothers and sisters at Team Quest and soak it in. Yeah, I'd grapple too.

However ... as in all relationships, some days are a bit darker. Some days you can be distracted and go through the motions despite your good intentions. The point is the love of the thing got you there, and the rest takes care of itself. You've cross-trained!

So, those of you familiar with the symbol of the yin and yang will know that it represents balance. See below:



Both black and white are separate but together they are complementary and are harmonius. Jiu-jitsu is "familia" - just sounds more fun to say "familia" rather than "family". Back to my point. Jiu-jitsu is communal and, by its very nature, cannot be enjoyed alone. You can't grapple with yourself! Maybe emotionally, spiritually or philosophically, but not physically. That requirement for community makes it unique amongst martial arts. And so, I cross-train with my Familia at Team Quest. It's o.k. to feel jealous if you are not a part of this Familia.



Feel the jealousy yet? Now read on...

In contrast, I train to run the Redding Marathon on January 16, 2011. I make exceptions, but I prefer to run alone. Being completely and utterly alone suits me despite the fact that my wife has forced me to father seven children.

*** You know where to send the hate mail! ***

A fringe benefit of the loneliness of the long distance runner (notice the Iron Maiden song reference) is that you naturally tune out everything around you. It's all heart and mind. The ability to "tune out" is also a parental coping and marriage saving skill. Can you tune out an obnoxious child or perhaps an angry spouse? I can! Thank you running.

The solitary nature of running and the communal nature of jiu-jitsu are complementary. Spending time with one increases the desire for the other. Kind of like when you are sitting on the couch switching off between Dorritos and ice cream or switching between girlfriends. Get it? Harmony! That is cross-training in a nutshell.

Now, on to tomorrow's 7.5 mile run. At about 9:30 in the a.m., I'm going to put on some Nikes and put my foot on the neck of that run. I'll let it up off of my "mat" when I'm damn good and ready, and I won't be tired. I'm going to follow it with about 12 beers at the annual football barbecue. Yep, bang it there folks - 12 beers! Granted they will likely be wussy beers as follows:



But, who's is the last man standing ... well ... I am!

Getting back to the run, I've planned a playlist for this run on my Ipod. I need an hour of music, so I have to choose wisely. Some highlights to this playlist along with commentary are:

1. Road to Madness by Queensryche. 9:41 of sometimes ambient and sometimes kick you in the gut heavy-metal. This is a real band. Compare, for example, Bon Jovi. Mr. Bon Jovi ... you are on my Ipod just because I'm too cheap to delete you, but you damn sure won't make a playlist.

2. Rhythm of Love by The Scorpions. Awesome song. Guaranteed that when it comes on, I'm gonna think about my wife. The Scorpions were the soundtrack to our first kiss. I'm also gonna think about the bastard that broke into my car that same night and stole my Scorpions cassette. If I find you, you !*&!, I'm gonna hurt you.

PS: The District Attorney may consider this Exhibit A to the prosecution that will surely result. My defense? Jackass should have taken the Bon Jovi, and we wouldn't have had a problem, would we?

3. Today My World Slipped Away by George Strait - If you don't like George Strait or if you aren't willing to like him soon, you aren't American, and I don't know you. Nuff said.

4. Pocketful of Sunshine by Natasha Beddingfield - Don't judge me!

Post-run update to follow early next week. Perhaps you are wondering what the training nexus is for the beer drinking? It's called carbo-loading ...

Getting Started

This blog is going to focus on my efforts to run the 2011 Redding Marathon. Of course, it will also mention jiu jitsu, Team Quest, my wife, various personal details of my friends etc. They won't be reading it anyway, so I get to fire away.

So, why the hell am I writing this? The answer is pretty simple ... if you are going to run a marathon you need encouragement. If you are like me (God forbid), you'll look on the internet to try to find someone with enough hubris to think that other people actually care how he/she trained for that particular little gem of a marathon you have in mind and how the marathon experience was.

I'm currently doing this exact thing (reading blogs) because I'd like to run the Disneyworld Marathon sometime in the future. The reality is that I know that my kids will suck every spare dime out of me, and I'll never make it to Disneyworld until I'm too damn old to run a marathon. Katy Perry will also be too old for me to meet her as Snow White during my 26.2 miles of Disney fun. She'll probably be too old to impress by then. She'd make a good one right now, right? I'll be too old to remember this particular fantasy anyway and time won't be doing me any favors either. All too depressing. Here's Snow White right now!!!



As for blogging, I'm starting a bit early. I'm just doing base mileage, and that roadwork is simply to build a foundation prior to starting Higdon's Novice II marathon training program. I was going to wait until I actually launched on the program, but that would require me to wait two weeks. Frankly, I need something to do on those lunch hours when I'm not sneaking off to Team Quest to get my arm wrenched and my neck choked.

Today's treat was a 4 miler at pace along the ACID canal to the Turtle Pond just on the other side of the Sundial Bridge. If you aren't familiar with the Turtle Pond, its that little pool of sludge, green with algae. You'll find a couple of forelorn turtles on a couple of logs in that sesspool sticking their little turtle necks as high out of the muck as they are able. Oh, to be a turtle in that pond. Redding turtles look like this but not as happy.



During the run, an unexpected treat was dialed up by my Ipod. Judas Priest's "Victim of Changes" came on in full glory. For those of you who don't know, the song is about a guy who gets a beautiful girl. She then promptly proceeds to get fat, old and ugly. Thus, the singer is the "victim of changes". Rob Halford (the lead singer) obviously solved this thorny problem of the ne'er do well, trickster woman, by deciding that he preferred his same sex. Not so fast, Rob, guys get fat too. Honestly, was anybody really surprised when Rob came out of the closet. See the picture and mouth the word "No".



Anyhow, a great song and, for the sake of my relationship with my wife and all of my female friends, I do not agree with the sentiment in this song. No ... actually, I do. Please send hate mail to my home address and not to my work address.

Anyway, what do you expect from a band named Judas Priest? I only mention it to describe how this song caused me to think "deep thoughts" on an otherwise, sh*t nasty Redding 400 degree day. Curse you Redding!!!

Well, enough for now. Tomorrow is a rest day which means I'll be at Team Quest allowing some other "friend" to stack me until my heels are behind my neck. I do intend to post my expectations for Saturday's long run, so stay tuned.